"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." — Eleanor Roosevelt

I first heard this quote used in the movie "The Princess Diaries" back in 2001. To which my reaction was "Wow, that is so true". It made me think about my life and how easily I was always pushed around and taken advantage of. I had very low self-esteem and self-confidence so it really was easy for a confident person to have power over me. Anyways, I decided that from that day onwards I would work on my self-esteem and become a more confident person. Unfortunately I was still quite young at the time and very nieve and the end of 2001 began a series of events that over the space of 6 years that spiraled me into the ups and downs of a depressed soul.

Refering back to my first blog I mentioned that my 1st trip to Australia helped knock me out of my funk. They say "change is as good as a holiday". But what about adding both of them together? That was apparently my cure, let me explain. So here I was in Australia, on a 3 month holiday from work. I was on the otherside of the world in a place id never been before but seen and heard so much about. A place I had only dreamed of visiting. I was free from my homelife away from 95% of my problems. I felt like I had escaped something but I really wasnt sure what at the time. Within a couple of weeks I felt alive, I felt like me, the me I hadnt been in so long. oh i missed me :)

The next step in the journey was to get a job. There was no way I would afford the holiday without it. Many a backpacker has found it hard to get a job in Sydney but not me. I registered my CV with Hays recruitment and within a day they had me an interview with a super company in the city. The day after the interview I started working. I was confident in myself going into that job, I was going to show people what I could do. AND I did. It was only meant to be a 3 week contract but the manager told me he wanted me to stay on for as long as i could, I was doing the same amount of work as 3 of his employees put together. Which I regret to say he brought up in their reviews. I was open with Brad. I had never felt the courage before to be able to express my worries to my employer before. I loved that job and I was so sad to go when I had to leave(and return to my old job). I am still in contact with a number of my old colleagues and my boss to this day 3.5 years later and hopefully maybe when my visa is sorted I might be working there again.

So there I was confident and feeling amazing about myself and returning to Ireland. As previously stated in Blog 1, I had 8 miserable months back in Ireland. Well would you blame me?, I was so free and alive in Sydney and then I returned back to the things that brought me down before. It was 5 months after returning that my relationship ended. That was where it all began for me, I think the trip to Australia (and another quote from E Roosevelt) gave me that boost I needed to make the decisions that have led me to become the person i am today almost 3 years later. The person I wanted to be in 2001. Incase your wondering what quote I am talking about I have it under my profile, "Do in your heart what you feel to be right for you will be critisied anyway. You'll be damned if you do and damned if you don't" - Eleanor Roosevelt. Call me what you will, but these words that were spoken by a truely amazing woman are my guidence. I had spent my 25 years trying to please everyone and making myself misserable. I needed to make decisions that will make me happy. So I did and here I am today still confident. Im going through one of the toughest times of my life, but im happy. My decisions have led me to where I am today. I may have hurt those I love along the way to which I am deeply sorry for. Please forgive me.

I have often quoted that very line to friends when they are in difficult situation where a life changing decision has to be made. I know a number have found comfort and truth in it. It is your life, you have one chance to live it so be selfish for the right reasons from time to time and be happy.

I will close of this blog with another quote from the amazing Mrs Roosevelt. (get used to them they will appear alot)

"In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Claire